I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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