How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
