I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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