just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
