Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
