So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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