apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
