I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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