Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
