just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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