Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
