i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
