You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
