Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
