Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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