Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
