Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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