Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
