If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
