I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
