I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
