That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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