sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
