she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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