Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
