You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
