I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
