I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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