if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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