Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
