Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
