Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
