I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
