he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
