I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize