Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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