Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
