i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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