I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The adults are the big ones right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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