i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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