I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
