i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
God, I missed his penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
