I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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