You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
