Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
