you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
