I'm eating all of the evidence.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
