So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
