i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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