I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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