The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
