I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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