her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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