took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
