The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
