he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
