You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
