did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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