I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
