you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
