Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
