Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
