Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize