he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize