Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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