dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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