I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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