normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
