you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
