Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
