what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
