Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize