im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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