The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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