Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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