In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize