I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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