I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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