1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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