just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
