we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
