Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
