I hate all girls vehemently.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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