I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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