the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
