I didn't shave. On purpose
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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