Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
