Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
