An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
