AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize