i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
