have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
