Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize