just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Randomize
