Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize