so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
