when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
