just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
