I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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