And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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