the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
