White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
