My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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